Of blasts from the past

Recently, I encountered a blast from the past. And yes, i reeled under its effect.

Without going into too many details on the kind of blast it was, and the many repurcussions it had, what i have in essence to share is that:

• More often than not blasts from the past help you to be thankful for your present.
• You thank God for not answering all your prayers. It was always His wisdom pitched against yours that actually worked for you.
• All those experiences are what made you, what you are. for better, for worse.
• And yes, most of all in hindsight, your parents were more often right than not - though you would have loved to prove otherwise.

Unlearning lessons

Hmph....

just when I thought all those lessons from the big competing corporate world (you guessed it, am playing diplomatic by leaving out the expletives), will definitely come in handy when I assume the C.O.O chair at home, I have been in for a few surprises:

well, why C.O.O and not C.E.O you may ask? Simple, the husband dons the C.E.O hat obviously and can choose to "be-in-control" of the situation without actually being hands on. And hands on is what I am all about and therefore C.O.O is a respectable title for a glorified housewife cum stay at home Mom.

Ok, now to the point.

The first month began with the charting out of an hour by hour schedule of how the days that unfold will be. everything was mapped - the activities, the diet, the budget, day to day expenses, targets (losing weight, optimal use of budget provided/resources etc; ) et al.

Well, a mini replica of the balanced score card, if you must. The KRA's were well set and the goals defined. The most daunting targets being - achieving the tipping point on the weighing scale. Mine would be on the lower end of the scale since the BMI calculators were pointing to the danger mark, while it had to be high, if not ZOOMING for the little one. After all, a "healthy" mama had to have a healthy (read oozing baby fat, mini sumo wrestler)  right? Each of the targets were spilt and spread over a reasonable time frame.

And that was it. There ended my effort at trying to organize a seemingly simple mundane existence. As the weeks rolled by, the early morning jog became a mid morning walk....encountered stiff resistance at the dining table - little master put up a stiff upper lip (literally) to anything considered nutritive, refusing to stomach the varied vegetable soups, cereals, porridge etc; etc; How can you make something that will catch the fancy of an infant so much so that he laps it up without batting an eyelid? Needless to mention the experiments that followed and the failures that had to be overcome resulted in a broken heart, but widening mid riff. How could you have the heart to throw away a creation that was a labor of love? I ate and ate with a frenzy. Damn the diet and damn all those sexy yummy Mama's!!!

Other obstacles encountered -

Time management: Activities planned during baby's sleeping hours: Writing, reading, social networking, pursuing a new hobby.....sigh. Finish all chores when baby is sleeping.

Achieved: Slept away to glory. Don't the books say that you must get a few winks when he sleeps. And for a baby who sleeps like a log during the day and is a kick-ass livewire at night, Mama better be prepared. 

Management of resoures :

Human resources : monitor househelp closely, without being too interfering. Ensure high productivity by encouraging multi-tasking.

There is no such thing as productivity in the household parlance. Each day is a different day, ofcourse the relationships you nurture are here to stay and will get you by. Not many  Bhai's are conducive to a performance feedback and take it very personally. Simply put just keep the feedback sharing in your head and only within it.

And precisely after a month of battling the guilt of not being able to score even a "fair" forget a "Good", the schedules went onto a sleeping mode.

The journey so far

A year and a half....

had just buzzed by. And what does the report read?

A change in location, occupation, perspective, attitude, temparement (not really)

from a working woman to a home maker
from managing a nuclear family and a demanding job to managing a joint family and an all male one at that!!!
From being a woman to becoming a Mother....the BIG one.

Every day i make mental notes to write down my feelings, to emote through notes, but that doesnt happen. Instead iam busy planning the next meal.

my spare hours are spent to try and catch a few winks, to grab some energy to battle the boring chores in place for the rest of the day.

Not that I am cinder ella carrying out everything single handedly, with the help of animal friends. I am blessed on that count. A doting father -in law, more like my father who helps me in every possible way, regardless of age catching up with him (He is 74 and  going strong) God bless him!


Yet, can making a few rotis and cooking the perfect recipe, bring joy to the heart as penning a few lines that challenge the creative side in me?

Can bringing food to the table on the dot, finisnhing chores before the powr cut, keeping the house spick and span bring forth the same adrenaline rush as leading a team to complete a challenging project within the timeline?

At the risk of sounding silly, i think aloud.

It is i have realised, simply a matter of the grass being green on the other side.

When you are at homke, you want to hit the work cubicle.

When you are at the work cubicle, you want to spend time at home, lookign after it and nurturing it. Isnt family everything/. What am i doing here? you ask yourself.

And so the battle rages on. It will, till i pull myself above it and get the larger view of life and living.

An ode to Mumbai

To me, Mumbai is a Goddess.

She personifies the qualities of the deity that she takes her name after. The Goddess Mumba.

She is a mother, who never turns away a child coming to her to seek refuge, giving selflessly.

Wealth, fame and success flow from her veins and her eager sons and daughters lap it all, day after day and year after year.

Only, we seem to be sucking her dry.

We continue to go to her in  large numbers, erode her.

We dig deep into the earth and snatch more from the sea, keeping the angry lashing waves at bay to satiate our need to grow. 

We are deaf to her sighs of grief,  thanks to the hum of greed that has engulfed us.

The simmering hatred that bares its fangs every now and then, continues to bleed her.

The overwhelming apathy to loss, suffering and despair in the mad rush to make more and consume more, seems to take root as an acute disease in her veins.

Her radiance is marred by the flashy lights of ill begotten wealth. The gaping wounds of her children who have been victims of hatred, or just could not make it in the maddening race tug at her heart.

Yet, she stands tall. Continues to bestow.

Her guiding light giving respite to many a traveller from far and near,welcoming those who choose to anchor at her shores.

Patience and perseverance

So, what is common between a subordinate who refuses to toe the line and your one-year-old who decides to stage a non cooperative movement?

They are stubborn, refuse to see reason, and very often want to just give you a tough time and test your patience. After all you are accountable for their performance and you've got to manage it somehow.

So, when your toddler decides to spit out every morsel of baby feed instead of downing it peacfeully or throws a tantrum in full view of the passenger traffic at the airport, its test time, baby! And you thought rolling your eyes, acting assertive by yelling to try and convince him that you are a tough nut to crack will work....

Project deadlines are approaching and you realise that you have been through a rough patch with your colleague of late. He seems not motivated enough to do the needful. No updates are forthcoming. And whatsmore, he senses you are boiling underneath the calm front you put up day after day.  So what do you do? A heated discussion ensues and you have a bigger problem at hand - an incomplete project and a miffed colleague.

While 'taking to task' mechanisms might be prevalent, what has worked for me has always been patience. And pereseverance. Patience has helped me strategise my reaction to the situation and perseverance has helped me build good working relationships with people who have been labelled as "being difficult" .

And as i key in this post, my little son is trying to fiddle with the computer and trying to get his hands on the twinkling light from the photon....time to call forth on the two P's.

Change is the name of the game.... Babyyyyy................

And so here I am.

Riding the wave of yet another change.

Only this time it is not a wave that I must ride. It is rather a headlong collission. That has caused a freefall from chaotic albeit adrenaline pumping heights to an abyss of calm - only broken from time to time by gurgles, giggles and sometimes ofcourse ear shattering wails....

 Not the right way to describe a transition from the corporate corridors to the familiar nooks and corners of home, from being a 'corporate heavyweight' to 'an overweight Mama'?

Suit yourself. This is simply me.

Is this blog going to bear the brunt of the transition and the various repurcussions that will ensue in the form of volcanic outbursts of prose....? wait and watch....And those out there in a similar turn of life...share babies, errrr momma's.....Isn't life all about sharing, giving, caring.....said some great thoughtleader who probably had his coffee brought to him as he penned it down.....

Cheers to google that celebrates the freedom of expression or rather lets you rant and rave in abandon. It may not be the cure, but it certainly lightens the load....

Hip, Hip, Hurrah!